A Spiritual Experience?

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but I didn't realize that today was 9/11 until one of my fellow students at the Conservative Yeshiva asked the rabbis how they were planning to acknowledge the tragedy that befell us exactly seven years ago. I was shocked to discover that they hadn't realized it was 9/11 either! Apparently Israel is more isolated from the outside world than I had initially thought -- not only was 9/11 just another day in the life, but most of the Israelis I've met have never heard of the concept of female cantors, even though the Conservative movement has been ordaining them for over 20 years! 

Once prompted, the rabbis put together an impromptu memorial "service" of sorts that was both beautiful and meaningful. There's something to be said about having a moment's notice to pick an appropriate reading for marking a difficult occasion, as the choice must be one of spontaneity and instinct. In the mincha service that followed, I made it a point to stand during the Mourner's Kaddish, which is something I normally go out of my way to avoid. I usually use the time to reflect on how incredibly lucky I am to have no one to mourn for at the moment. But today, with thousands of families across America in mourning, standing up felt like the right thing to do. 

Even so, all of this reminded me of the haphazard way in which I first learned about the 9/11 attacks. The first plane crashed into the north tower of the World Trade Center at 8:46 am, and I'm embarrassed to say that I had no idea what had happened until about 11am. It was not entirely my fault, however -- not to mention the fact that I accidentally left my cell phone behind in my dorm room that morning! I had a 9am class that ran late, and as I ran up the hill to my 10am class, I heard someone talking about a plane crash in Pennsylvania. When I arrived late to my Hebrew class, my classmates were observing a moment of silence. I automatically assumed that something had happened in Israel, but when I asked the professor to clarify, he shushed me, yelled at me for being late, and went on teaching. I finally figured out the whole story at my next class, which the professor thankfully cancelled. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the school newspaper office watching the news reports and coming up with different angles for presenting the events for the Tufts community. 

Back then, I was so appalled by my Hebrew professor's apparent apathy that it completely colored my attitude in his class for the rest of the semester. I was uninspired to do my work, and as a result, my Hebrew failed to improve. Thankfully, I'm making up for lost time in my Ulpan! But now I have more perspective on where he was coming from. As a Russian Jew who made aliyah to Israel and ultimately ended up in the United States, he came from a life of oppression and tragedy. Sad as it may seem, he probably saw the 9/11 attacks as being no different from the many other acts of terror that he'd lived through. That's the Israeli way -- you clean up and move on. Most of the Israelis I meet are shocked and almost offended that I won't take the busses around here -- they feel that I'm letting would-be terrorists win by virtue of the fact that I'm giving into fear.

So I guess it shouldn't come as a surprise that most Israelis paid little heed to 9/11. I tried to observe the moments of silences that took place this morning New York as I worked out in the gym this afternoon in Jerusalem, but was distracted by chattering Israelis on the treadmill next to me. But all frustration left as I flipped through channels and happened upon the ceremony in which they were reading the names of the 9/11 victims. I thought of the fallen heroes from my hometown of Great Neck, NY who perished in the attacks -- Andrew Stergiopolous and Jonathan Ielpi (and, as my mom reminded me, a third victim -- Frederick Kuo) -- and wondered if I would hear their names. 

Seconds later, Jonathan's name was read aloud. 

Now, I'm not a particularly spiritual person. This may seem like an odd statement coming from a future cantor, but my current connection to Judaism comes from my love of Jewish culture, tradition, and community. One of my goals for this year in Israel is actually to develop a deeper relationship to the spiritual side of Judaism and to incorporate more meaning behind ritual. I don't think that the fact that I heard Jonathan's name out of the thousands of 9/11 victims in the five minutes I spent listening to the ceremony on TV was an accident. Perhaps it was a marker meant to set me off on a path of discovery. If so, I look forward to seeing where it goes, and hope that the memory of Jonathan and the rest of those who lost their lives on that tragic day, remains as blessing.

Oh, and thanks to 9/11 I've developed two personal rituals over the past seven years: I don't leave the house in the morning without reading CNN.com first. I'm also pretty obsessive about making sure I have my cell phone with me everywhere I go!